Wednesday 4 November 2020

Neuro-divergent Poems #2

Escape
I'm stuck in a rat race. Going quickly to no place. No smiley on my face. Hiding here in my carapace. Need to free up my brain, from the torturous pain. It drives me insane. Too hard to explain. Just need to think. Dump thoughts into ink. I don’t want to sink. Going round on the rink. Escape from the shell, from the nine to five hell. Awaiting the knell. Someone please ring the bell. There IS more than this. A peaceful-like bliss. A loved ones light kiss. Just not the abyss. I just need more time. More words, less mime. Mountains, sublime. Too many to climb. I give it my best, put in all of my zest. There's no time to rest, to finish all that's behest. There's a world out there waiting, for idle contemplating. Not for anger or hating, but for mere satiating. Let's put down our tools. Let's break all the rules. They'll have us for fools, yet they are the ghouls. Don't wait for the end or for those who depend. Don't meander or wend. For yourself you must tend.

Wednesday 12 August 2020

Neuro-divergent Poems #1

If I were these things...
I wouldn't have blindness, for I would be blind. I wouldn't have kindness, for I would be kind. I wouldn't have deafness, for I would be deaf. I wouldn't have left-ness, I would just write with my left. I wouldn't have mutism, for I would be mute. I don't have conditions, for you to dispute. I don't have Autism, for I am Autistic. I do have Sarcasm, for I'm being Sarcastic.

Monday 3 August 2020

Interview with Leah Leaves for ADHD Lives

Today I went right out of my comfort zone and did a live interview with the lovely Leah Leaves, who runs Leah Leaves ADHD Hypnotherapy and Coaching.
ADHD Lives Episode 5: Dave Marsh

This episode I'm delighted to welcome Dave Marsh. Dave is an IT professional, and was diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia and Dyspraxia 4 years ago at the age of 49. Since his diagnosis, he has been able to understand situations in which he had struggled at work in the past. Dave wants his story to help others who may be wondering if they may have ADHD. If you'd like to be notified when this and future episodes stream, then click here: https://m.me/livewellwithADHD?ref=w11711512

Posted by Leah Leaves Hypnotherapy on Monday, 3 August 2020

Saturday 1 August 2020

Time flies, way too fast.

When I was a kid I would imagine that I could stop time. Everyone would be frozen and I would be free to do what I needed to do unimpinged by the demands of others. Real life is so far removed from such fantasies yet my battle with the passing of time is still very real. So it is unsurprising that I have been away from blogging for what seems like a few months but is in fact a few years.

Since I last wrote on here I have discovered that I not only have ADHD, but I am also Autistic, Dyslexic, and Dyspraxic. All this time and I did not know, although as I've probably mentioned before, I knew there was something about me that wasn't the same as everyone else, and I just couldn't put my finger on it.

You might be wondering if I should change the name of my blog, but being distracted is as relevant now as it was at the beginning, so no. However, I will update the blog subtitle so I can talk about the other conditions over time.

Yes Time, my archnemesis, there is never enough you.

I've worked out a rough formula for real-time to ADHD-time. Personally I find real-time passes at 6x that of ADHD-time. When I think that 5 minutes have elapsed, it often turns out to be 30 minutes. Despite a plethora of clocks around the house, and numerous watches, unless time is the thing I am focusing on then I have no idea how much of it has passed.

There are so many thought's and ideas going around in my head that I cannot make enough time to do them all, but the ideas and thoughts keep coming and it's not something I can control. It's quite exhausting and disabling.

Whatever it is I am doing, it is always right up to the last minute, leaving no time to tidy or clean up after myself, or write about what I was doing. I could really do with a personal assistant.

Tuesday 13 February 2018

...now where was I?

Dear Reader,

It has been over a year since my last post and a lot has happened (mostly procrastinating), but I will try and give you a brief summary now.

um, well, there was the, um... thingy, you know, no? Actually I have very little memory of what happened today, let alone the day before or even 365 days before.  They are the things that happen in the "not now".  ADHD world tends to be 'in the present', 'in the now', like a little bubble of immediacy, where the things happen, and then become lost in the 'not now'.  As I write this I have a vague notion that I have already written about something like this already.  If I have it'll be in the 'not now', a dark void of unimaginable size (a bit like the Universe in that respect, and that is certainly unimaginably big, so big in fact that if you zoomed out you'd see fibers of galaxies threading their way through the darkness with massive expanses of nothingness between).

Ok, back on topic. There were some notable events...

ADHD Service Changes


In January 2017 was the last time I saw Dr Cubbin as the ADHD service was moved "in-house" within the West Hants Clinical Commissioning Group (WHCCG) in an effort to save money.  I now have to go to Basingstoke (37 miles away) instead of Marchwood (19 miles away). I'll write in more detail in another post about this change.

I found out my IQ


When you've thought of yourself as a lazy twat for most of your life, because you didn't continue with your education, you don't remember facts, you hate [too strong] dislike reading and writing, start things and never finish them, getting your IQ tested is probably not top of your list of things to do.  However, for one reason or another (which I shall write about in another post) I decided to take a Mensa Test.  The results came back saying I had an IQ of 149 which is in the top 1% of the population. I knew I wasn't completely stupid, but never in a million years did I believe I had that potential, and even less so as I believed my ADHD had been holding me back.

I joined a PPG


In order to try and raise the profile of Adult ADHD I thought I would start by joining the Patient Participation Group (PPG) for my local GP Survey.  I've volunteered at flu-clinics shepherding patients to the next available nurse/doctor as they queued for their yearly jabs, and I've been to a couple of meetings.

That is as much as I can remember that is noteworthy and related to ADHD.  I will try and keep this blog going as there is always something ADHD related going on,

Thursday 29 December 2016

A brief history of ADHD

ADHD has come a long way since it was first noted a few hundred years ago. There are still a lot of unknowns, a lot of theories, and plenty of guesswork.

The condition has had numerous names over time as more was learnt about it, and yet ADHD is still not an accurate description. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder? There is no deficit in attention, our attention is on everything, all at the same time, whether is something we can see, touch or feel, smell, hear, taste, imagine, you name it, if we can be distracted by it we will shift out attention to it even if we don't want to. You don't have to be hyperactive to have ADHD, but it tends to be the overtly hyperactive ones that get diagnosed. Disorder? I would prefer Difference, like boys are different from girls kind of difference.

So on to the history bit starting over 200 years ago...


1798, Sir Alexander Crichton published "An inquiry into the nature and origin of mental derangement: comprehending a concise system of the physiology and pathology of the human mind and a history of the passions and their effects", which he continually updated and reprinted.  In the second chapter of book II entitled "On Attention and its Diseases", he defines attention:
  • When any object of external sense, or of thought, occupies the mind in such a degree that a person does not receive a clear perception from any other one, he is said to attend to it.
Later he writes about the perceived lack of attention in a person:
  • The morbid alterations to which attention is subject, may all be reduced under the two following heads:
    • First. The incapacity of attending with a necessary degree of constancy to any one object.
    • Second. A total suspension of its effects on the brain.
  • The incapacity of attending with a necessary degree of constancy to any one object, almost always arises from an unnatural or morbid sensibility of the nerves, by which means this faculty is incessantly withdrawn from one impression to another. It may be either born with a person, or it may be the effect of accidental diseases.
  • When born with a person it becomes evident at a very early period of life, and has a very bad effect, inasmuch as it renders him incapable of attending with constancy to any one object of education. But it seldom is in so great a degree as totally to impede all instruction; and what is very fortunate, it is generally diminished with age.
He goes on to say:
  • In this disease of attention, if it can with propriety be called so, every impression seems to agitate the person, and gives him or her an unnatural degree of mental restlessness. People walking up and down the room, a slight noise in the same, the moving a table, the shutting a door suddenly, a slight excess of heat or of cold, too much light, or too little light, all destroy constant attention in such patients, inasmuch as it is easily excited by every impression. The barking of dogs, an ill-tuned organ, or the scolding of women, are sufficient to distract patients of this description to such a degree, as almost approaches to the nature of delirium. It gives them vertigo, and headache, and often excites such a degree of anger as borders on insanity. When people are affected in this manner, which they very frequently are, they have a particular name for the state of their nerves, which is expressive enough of their feelings. They say they have the fidgets.
This ties in nicely with the next segment...

1844, Heinrich Hoffmann a successful psychiatrist, who was not in favour of the notion in his day that psychiatric patients were obsessed or criminal and preferred to view mental disorders as having a medical basis.  He is famous for his 1845 children's book called Struwwelpeter.  The following year he produced a second edition which included the story of Fidgety Phil, and Johnny Look-in-the-air  which depict characters with symptoms of ADHD, which he no doubt got the ideas for, from the patients he saw.

1902, Sir George Frederic Still is marked by many authors as the scientific beginnings of the history of ADHD, and is seen as the Father of British Pediatrics.  His study of children found some had a:
  • defect of moral control as a morbid manifestation, without general impairment of intellect and without physical disease.
1932, German physicians Franz Kramer and Hans Pollnow reported about:
  • A hyperkinetic disease of infancy
with the most characteristic symptom was motor restlessness.

1937, Charles Bradley reported positive effects of a stimulant medication called benzedrine when given to children with a range of behavioral disorders.

1944, Leandro Panizzon first synthesized the compound methylphenidate, now commonly used to treat ADHD, and is marketed as Ritalin, who name is derived from Leandro's wife Marguerite or "Rita".

1968, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-II) contained an entry for "Hyperkinetic Reaction of Childhood" and was defined as "The disorder is characterized by overactivity, restlessness, distractibility, and short attention span, especially in young children; the behavior usually diminishes by adolescence"

1980, DSM-III defines ADD: Attention deficit disorder: with and without hyperactivity.

1987, DSM-III-R a revision of the 1980 DSM-III refined the definition to ADHD: Attention deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder, as symptoms of inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity.

1994, DSM-IV further refined the ADHD definition.

2000, DSM-IV-TR the descriptive text of ADHD was changed but the definition remained untouched.

2013, DSM-V the latest version defines ADHD as:
  • A persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development
  • Six or more of the symptoms have persisted for at least six months to a degree that is inconsistent with developmental level and that negatively impacts directly on social and academic/occupational activities. Please note: The symptoms are not solely a manifestation of oppositional behaviour, defiance, hostility, or failure to understand tasks or instructions. For older adolescents and adults (age 17 and older), five or more symptoms are required
  • Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms were present prior to age 12 years
  • Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms are present in two or more settings (e.g. at home, school, or work; with friends or relatives; in other activities)
  • There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, academic or occupational functioning
  • The symptoms do not occur exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder and are not better explained by another mental disorder (e.g. mood disorder, anxiety disorder, dissociative disorder, personality disorder, substance intoxication or withdrawal)

For more detailed reading, see the source of this information at https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3000907/ - The history of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder by Klaus W. Lange, Susanne Reichl, Katharina M. Lange, Lara Tucha, and Oliver Tucha